Today i will skip the boring order of defining what anxiety is, what it does and all those related things the internet can easily provide.
I am simply going to tell my story regarding the topic at hand as a result of a conversation that helped me see my anxiety differently.
A couple of weeks back i was put in a situation where i had to speak to a lady much older than i am for the very first time. My thigh did that thing where it always vibrates so much I can’t stand for long and as usual i ignored it.
She asked me to relax and stop being timid before i could even greet her. Normally i have a number of poker faces lined up before i get to associate with people I’m not familiar with. My serious/confident face was already off before i could get into character (
such a party popper).
I took it upon myself to check whether I’ve been down playing my anxiety with these faces as well as ignoring my thigh vibration situation (has happened many times….i thought it was thing 😂) and the test came out positive, in summary people I’ve been living in denial.
You must be thinking that’s such a personal matter why would she want to put it out there for everyone to know.
First off, i am growing tired of explaining myself and making up the lamest excuses. Secondly i want you to check yourself and get help before it’s too late. Its really frustrating to have to look for drugs just so you can calm your nerves.
My anxiety test results came out stating i am “The Hero“.
Despite dealing with high anxiety you want to remain in control and therefore you bravely cope with it even when it seems the most difficult…
All by yourself!… that’s bravery!
You are the kind of person who demands more of herself and therefore you don’t easily show your anxiety to others. But you have asked too much of yourself Warrior… without knowing that pushing it down won’t make it go away.
The above Italicized paragraphs are a sample of my results in detail and to be honest i was neither surprised nor happy.
My anxiety is not the kind that will have me getting complicated panic attacks or on prescribed medicine. (Thank you Lord) I laughed at my anxiety symptoms because for years i thought it’s just who i am but to my dismay I’ve been torturing my body, mind and soul.
Some of these symptoms include but are not limited to, a hyper active mind, depression, isolation and the mother of them all being social anxiety. They have deeper explanations but i won’t bore you with the details. In case you are interested in finding out more, we can discuss over a cup of coffee or whatever.
Here are a few ways my anxiety gets the best of me;
Someone asks if they can call me (anxiety: NOO!!! Leave me alone, can text just fine why do you need to call me), making social plans with a group of friends (anxiety: that was a terrible idea, you should consider cancelling), when I stop over thinking things (anxiety: only until I say you should stop over thinking but until then keep the thoughts coming. Brain do your thing!! 😈)
So I’m always having inner battles with anxiety and it’s an endless back and forth with it.
I really am grateful for how i keep fighting it any way I can, sharing my story is one way and I feel so relieved.
Transcendental Mindfulness Therapy is a new meditation technique I am going to try out. I have no idea what it is but am going to learn and hopefully bring back good news.
As I bring an end to the torture you’ve endured while reading this, I ask that you take note of your behavior most especially when it seems unsual. My anxiety stories with emphasis on the social one are endless but I can’t be on the internet sharing my dirt.
Before I go, I feel lucky to share this with so much confidence ( the irony😂) in a society that’s too judgemental. This is my way of saying no to anxiety and not letting it define me, do not be afraid to speak up. Let’s start now, we aren’t growing any younger.
Lots of Love,
2 thoughts on “Acknowledging My Anxiety”
I can’t agree more apart from saying that it’s brave of you to come out and speak about mental health which a fact of life that a society like ours undermines. I am proud of you Linda
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