Acknowledging My Anxiety

Today i will skip the boring order of defining what anxiety is, what it does and all those related things the internet can easily provide.

I am simply going to tell my story regarding the topic at hand as a result of a conversation that helped me see my anxiety differently.

A couple of weeks back i was put in a situation where i had to speak to a lady much older than i am for the very first time. My thigh did that thing where it always vibrates so much I can’t stand for long and as usual i ignored it.

She asked me to relax and stop being timid before i could even greet her. Normally i have a number of poker faces lined up before i get to associate with people I’m not familiar with. My serious/confident face was already off before i could get into character (such a party popper).

I took it upon myself to check whether I’ve been down playing my anxiety with these faces as well as ignoring my thigh vibration situation (has happened many times….i thought it was thing 😂) and the test came out positive, in summary people I’ve been living in denial.

You must be thinking that’s such a personal matter why would she want to put it out there for everyone to know.

First off, i am growing tired of explaining myself and making up the lamest excuses. Secondly i want you to check yourself and get help before it’s too late. Its really frustrating to have to look for drugs just so you can calm your nerves.

My anxiety test results came out stating i am “The Hero“.

Despite dealing with high anxiety you want to remain in control and therefore you bravely cope with it even when it seems the most difficult…
All by yourself!… that’s bravery!

You are the kind of person who demands more of herself and therefore you don’t easily show your anxiety to others. But you have asked too much of yourself Warrior… without knowing that pushing it down won’t make it go away.

The above Italicized paragraphs are a sample of my results in detail and to be honest i was neither surprised nor happy.

My anxiety is not the kind that will have me getting complicated panic attacks or on prescribed medicine. (Thank you Lord) I laughed at my anxiety symptoms because for years i thought it’s just who i am but to my dismay I’ve been torturing my body, mind and soul.

Some of these symptoms include but are not limited to, a hyper active mind, depression, isolation and the mother of them all being social anxiety. They have deeper explanations but i won’t bore you with the details. In case you are interested in finding out more, we can discuss over a cup of coffee or whatever.

Here are a few ways my anxiety gets the best of me;

Someone asks if they can call me (anxiety: NOO!!! Leave me alone, can text just fine why do you need to call me), making social plans with a group of friends (anxiety: that was a terrible idea, you should consider cancelling), when I stop over thinking things (anxiety: only until I say you should stop over thinking but until then keep the thoughts coming. Brain do your thing!! 😈)

So I’m always having inner battles with anxiety and it’s an endless back and forth with it.

I really am grateful for how i keep fighting it any way I can, sharing my story is one way and I feel so relieved.

Transcendental Mindfulness Therapy is a new meditation technique I am going to try out. I have no idea what it is but am going to learn and hopefully bring back good news.

That’s about to change though 😋

As I bring an end to the torture you’ve endured while reading this, I ask that you take note of your behavior most especially when it seems unsual. My anxiety stories with emphasis on the social one are endless but I can’t be on the internet sharing my dirt.

Before I go, I feel lucky to share this with so much confidence ( the irony😂) in a society that’s too judgemental. This is my way of saying no to anxiety and not letting it define me, do not be afraid to speak up. Let’s start now, we aren’t growing any younger.

Lots of Love,

Linda S.A

Journaling For Mental Health

Journaling is a practice of keeping a diary or journal which explores thoughts and feelings concerning events of your life. In my teenage years I kept a diary to help me keep track of things happening in my life just so I could have a word album to help me reminisce. This went on and on until I started transitioning to adulthood. Keeping a diary seemed childish but little did I know what was coming my way. By then I had no idea what depression was or the kind of effect it has on people that don’t act upon it quickly.

Every day after I put an end to my diary entries my mind became a library filled with a lot thoughts and it didn’t do my mental health any justice. It’s important to note that until recently mental health was not considered a major issue. So during that period I had no one to confide in and writing was the last thing on my mind. With the help of the internet I learned that depression that’s unattended to can turn out to be quite messy and it’s when I learned about journaling to help improve mental health.

Having lost control of my thoughts and emotions my life seemed so stagnant and confusing. This resulted into many anxiety attacks and depression phases. A journal is a helpful tool in managing your mental health and it is one of the best healthy outlets in which you can express yourself and keep track of your emotions and feelings.

Journaling helped me control my symptoms and improve my mental state by:

-Helping me prioritize my fears, problems and concerns

-Tracking any day to day triggers of depression and learning ways to control them
-Availing a 360 dimension of positive self-talk and identifying negative behavior and thoughts.

There’s no specific method for journaling but here are a few tips to help you get started:

–Write every day; Set off a few minutes each day and write in your journal. Schedules tend to be tight but healing starts with you literally starting.

–Use your journal as you see fit; some people like to share their journeys but if you are not comfortable then keep it confidential, what matters most is your progress.

–Keep it simple; in the beginning I focused a lot on what book and pen I should use and honestly there was no writing done. Start with what you have because as you progress the journaling essentials come naturally to you.

–Write anything and everything; do not be picky on what you write, it’s your journal and you are in charge of whatever you put down on paper.

It’s safe to say journaling has helped me get my mental health in check because I do not look at it as medication but rather my relaxation time. I always look forward to it and am always eager to know whether I moved two steps ahead or back, my thoughts or innermost fears and more. Choose a comfortable place and favorable time let loose and pour your heart out, look at it as a reward for a better mind, body and you.

In case you feel the need to educate yourself on everything mental health please visit this link https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-types-illness
There are plenty of websites but i chose that one, feel free to visit others Google is not your enemy.

Yours truly,

Linda S.A